Grace

Thank you Elizabeth, Ellen, Lianna and Sherry for your comments on Ben's homecoming.

I pulled my first all-nighter in years last night: Ben was in terrible pain. He had been weaned to tylenol and by the time I realized he was crashing and went to get the strong pain medication filled, it was too late.

At one point last night Ben started thrashing around in his cast, trying to roll onto his affected leg. We were frightened he would hurt himself and decided to remove the cast. I neglected to mention in my previous posts that Ben didn't need to be in his body cast medically -- for the purpose of bone healing -- but to prevent him from placing any weight on his affected leg. The surgeon made the cast a removable, clam-shell one and told us if we could be sure he wouldn't put weight on his leg, we could take it off.

Ben's pain continued without the cast and as the early morning hours ticked by I started agonizing over whether removing it was the wrong decision. I spoke to the orthopedic resident on call, but despite his reassurance I was fit to be tied. I e-mailed the surgeon, and imagine my relief when I received this message back from him at 9 this morning:

There is nothing wrong with removing the cast, and it's also normal to still have pain. Just having the incisions alone is painful, and they will hurt when he moves, and he can move even in the cast. If he is still uncomfortable, call the residents on call and they can give you a prescription for a stronger pain medication.

It's normal to worry, and it's normal to have pain after this kind of surgery. It's no problem for you to email me or call the residents on call with any questions. If he has more problems today let me know, but if not, call my office and let Kim know on Monday how he is doing.

I was so relieved, I cried, and I suddenly felt capable that I could support Ben through the pain. It was natural that he had great pain (not a reflection of anything we were or weren't doing), and hopefully it would get a little better, everyday. We were acting in Ben's best interest when we removed the cast because we were afraid he would hurt himself.

I went for a walk with my younger son and it was bright and sunny and everything was in bloom, particularly the hydrangeas. I felt like I had been touched by grace.